When one of your friends is getting married, it can feel like an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid.
But with great honor comes great responsibility. (That's how that saying goes, right?)
In the case of being a bridesmaid, though, that usually means financial responsibility.
And while you may think money is no object when it comes to the nuptials of your nearest and dearest friend, your bridesmaid budget might not stretch quite as far when the bride-to-be is neither a close friend, nor a particularly dear one.
So here's something you may need to hear before we head into the thick of wedding season: It's OK to say no to being a bridesmaid.
"But how?" you ask. "Won't my friend/cousin/roommate/coworker/running buddy/dog groomer hate me if I don't spend thousands of dollars to support her on her big day?!"
Well, maybe — but a true friend really shouldn't. At least not as long as you plead your case correctly.
The cost of being a bridesmaid
The typical bridesmaid's bill will vary, but it's not unheard of (and in fact, it's common,) for a bridesmaid to pay upward of $1,000 to stand beside a bride on her big day.
According to figures published by WeddingWire in 2017, the cost of being a bridesmaid averages a whopping $1,200 but can quickly rise to as much as $1,800 before all (vows) are said and done.
Wondering how in the world the experience of standing by your dear, sweet friend can cost you more than a month's rent?
Here's a breakdown of the average costs for bridesmaids.
Dress: $208 (Need it altered? Add another $70.)
Shoes and accessories: $120
Hair and makeup: $132
Travel and accommodations: $320
Bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc.: $400 to $800
Total: $1,180 to $1,650
And that's before incidentals like airport food or post-wedding brunch.
Yeah, being a bridesmaid is expensive, so it's not a financial commitment you want to enter into lightly.
What to consider before you say yes to the bridesmaid's dress
There's no black-and-white answer to the question of whether you should agree to be in the bridal party no matter what your relationship with the bride is. It's a personal choice, and it shouldn't be made without some real consideration.
Jen Glantz, founder of Bridesmaid for Hire and author of Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire), says some life situations simply have to take precedence.
"Before you say yes, have a conversation with yourself and ask, 'What's going on in my life that would make it hard for me to be an extra good friend during this time?'" Glantz advises. "If you have complications in your personal life, financial life or work life, then you might want to say no."
If you're on the fence about whether to stand with the bride on her big day, here are some things to consider that may help you make your decision.
What's your relationship to the bride?
If the person asking you to join her up front on her wedding day is a close friend or relative, it makes sense that you'd want to honor her any way you can.
But if the bride in question is an old college friend who didn't bother to keep up her end of the friendship, or a new acquaintance who just needs bodies up there next to her, you're under no obligation to pay hundreds — or thousands — of dollars for her to say "I do" in a ceremony you're not really invested in.
Also, remember that you someday may be (or already were) in the bride's position.
If that were the case, would you (did you) ask this bride to do the same for you? Would you ask this person to spend several hundred dollars to stand beside you on your wedding day? If not, then you probably shouldn't feel like you have to do the same for her.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider