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The 14 Best Finance Stories The Onion Has Ever Run

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The Onion

When America wants to laugh at itself, there's not better place to turn than The Onion.

And if you think about it, humor is really one of the few healthy ways to deal with our current global financial circumstance.

That's why you'll find some great Wall Street/financial stories in the pages of this hilarious publication

No wonder some think The Onion might deserve a Pulitzer

Former Business Insider intern Alex Howe also contributed to this piece.

#14 European Debt Crisis Solutions

There's a range of suggestions, here are some of our favorites:

  • Austria: $5 surcharge every time anyone in the world watches The Sound Of Music
  • Finland: Increasing one of those European-sounding taxes, like the GATT, or the VAT, or the SCRAT, or whatever
  • Italy: Suspending all sewage and trash pickup services, effective 1993
  • Portugal: Quietly breaking away from Spain in the middle of the night and floating across the Atlantic in search of a better life.


#13 Goldman Sachs Hires Single Morally Decent Human Being To Work In Separate, Enclosed Cubicle

Just when Lloyd Blankfein starts trying to show a softer side, this story comes out. An excerpt:

Seeking to mollify critics over its role in the global financial crisis, Goldman Sachs announced Friday the hiring of junior analyst Greg Kohler, who executives said is the investment bank's first and only employee to possess a clear set of morals or a basic understanding of right and wrong...

"While Mr. Kohler won't be attending a single meeting or influencing any of our business decisions, we're confident his acute sense of professional integrity will prove a valuable asset," Siewert continued..

....Kohler will report to a vice president of private wealth management who will be barred from communicating with him in person, by phone, or over e-mail in the event Kohler accidentally hears about, and thus has to report, any instances of duplicitous behavior.

 



 



#12: "JPMorgan Chase Acquires Bear Stearns In Tedious-To-Read News Article"

Highlight:

"Officers from JPMorgan Chase announced Monday that they were close to finalizing plans to purchase the securities giant in an incredibly complex series of financial maneuvers and obscure legal jargon that can only be described in the most mind-numbingly dense and unreadable way."

Full story



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

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