Top Female Execs Tell Us Whether It's OK To Burst Into Tears At Work

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg gave a speech to Harvard Business School in which she said it was OK to cry at work.

Work can be stressful, and people do cry. That goes double in the advertising business, where clients can be capricious with deadlines and creative types often have huge, fragile egos (and the tempers that go with them).

Not everyone agrees with Sandberg that the occasional meltdown is OK. When someone starts sobbing at their desk it can bring the entire office to a halt. It's tough to ignore. People want to know: Has there been a death in the family? Is work too stressful? Is this person unable to handle the job?

Crying at work has, traditionally, been regarded as a weakness. It's especially something that men don't do. Forty-one percent of women have done it, but only 9 percent of men.

So we asked a handful of senior female ad execs in the agency biz what they thought of the issue.

Before we get to them, here's what Sandberg told Harvard:

I’ve cried at work. I’ve told people I’ve cried at work. And it’s been reported in the press that Sheryl Sandberg cried on Mark Zuckerberg’s shoulder, which is not exactly what happened. I talk about my hopes and fears and ask people about theirs. I try to be myself. Honest about my strengths and weaknesses and I encourage others to do the same. It is all professional and it is all personal, all at the very same time.

YES, BUT ... —  Marla Kaplowitz, CEO of MEC North America: "Just don't let it become habit forming."

We spend a lot of time in the workplace where we are passionate and committed to doing great work and receiving recognition for a job well done. This creates a variety of emotions and on certain days, some people just need a good emotional release that can include crying.

During my first year out of college, I worked in an entry level role for a very tough person. I knew I would learn a lot and that she would potentially make me cry - as she had done to others. And cry I did one day! But it was the greatest release, and from that moment on, I was stronger in dealing with her as well as with challenging situations.

So if crying is what you need to feel better and move on - and maybe even make a statement (help - I'm exasperated and at a breaking point!) - then cry away. Just don't let it become habit forming.

NO — Sara Rotman, Founder, CEO & CCO, MODCo Creative: "It’s really only acceptable privately in one’s office (with the door securely closed) or in the ladies room."

Crying does happen and it happens often. We're all human, and as the saying goes: shit happens. Over the course of my 25-year career, I've had many occasions where crying was a realistic and appropriately human response. For instance: I’ve had news of a close colleague’s death delivered to me at work; I received another call that a very close friend had a terrible riding accident; I’ve gone through a messy divorce. In each of these instances, it would be socially acceptable to cry in public, or as the case may be, at work.

But while a whole lot of crying will indeed be found in the work place, it’s really only acceptable privately in one’s office (with the door securely closed) or in the ladies room if one can find a way to do so without alarming or otherwise disturbing fellow co-workers. As Tom Hanks once said, 'there is no crying in baseball.'

I don’t take this position because I am some kind of insensitive hard ass. But I do believe that post kindergarten, our own misfortune – be it real or imagined – should not be inflicted upon those around us. It is a selfish and indulgent position to take, and is distracting and unfair to the people who we work with.

I feel this is even truer for women who are sadly still laboring to be considered as equal to our fellow male coworkers. Ladies, let’s not give them anything to point to that looks like a weakness or lack of professionalism. When was the last time that you saw a male coworker cry?

Of course, it has taken me 25 years to master my own advice and I am not proud to say that I’ve not always made it to the ladies room before my lip began to quiver. But I endeavor to do so daily because leading by example is the only fair way for a manager to behave. Even as this year brought me one of my worst personal tragedies (a colleague’s suicide), I returned from his funeral to lead a huge presentation that was impossible to reschedule. And although I did have qualms about having the emotional strength and composure to do a pitch on that day, not having a choice forced me to take my own advice – and in doing so, preserved my dignity as well as the respect of my staff.

As a manager, I often have the concerns of my staff to deal with, as they too experience tragedies that drive them to the threshold of my office with a quivering lip. I always invite them in and close the door with a gentle, “Don’t cry – just tell me what’s going on.” All are surprised to be flatly told not to cry, and are relieved to share whatever is bothering them. Further, without a tearful and messy crying jag in front of their boss or coworkers, they’re able to preserve their own sense of control and dignity in the workplace.

YES — Sarah Watson: Chief Strategy Officer, BBH New York: "Leadership in particular is about making an authentic stand that others relate to. And crying could be a powerful part of this, at the right moment."

For all the management speak and matrix slides, we forget at our peril that organizations are primarily emotional organisms and that people are emotional creatures. This goes way beyond a question of women - it is about organizational emotional intelligence in general. For someone to cry in the workplace (for work-related matters) could be for any number of reasons; we are socially awkward around crying, but it has an evolutionary, bio-chemical and social importance of its own. Some are authentic and legit - e.g.because the pressure has become too much, they haven't been acknowledged for their hard work, they are bullied - all of which are valid feelings, regardless of their source, and which hold productivity back.  To clear out this tension and to move on can be useful to people even beyond the cryer. It is a public, physical statement of the underlying emotional tension and as such can be cathartic.

Leadership in particular is about making an authentic stand that others relate to. And crying could be a powerful part of this, at the right moment. True leaders mine their own experiences for the universal stories that will speak most directly to people. When they do this right, we are all left feeling that we are being addressed individually. For staff to know that their leader has been extremely affected by something could be a powerful part of how they bring people with them - as long as the feelings are authentic."

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