We all want to be liked. After all, likable people have more friends, are more respected by their employees and coworkers and close more deals.
While you can't force or trick someone into liking you, you can make yourself more emotionally appealing to people.
As Michelle Tillis Lederman, author of "The 11 Laws of Likability" and "Nail the Interview," puts it, "You can't make anybody like you, but you can enable people to see what is likable about you.
A lot of these things are not necessarily tricks that are meant to manipulate and deceive, but they're honest ways we connect and make others feel good."
Jack Schafer, a behavioral analyst, retired FBI agent and author of The Like Switch, says that good salespeople do these things instinctively, which is what makes them so successful.
"It's little things that get people to like you," he says. "You have to pay attention to those things."
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Here are eight science-backed techniques you can start employing immediately to make yourself a more appealing person:
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1. Smile
If it sounds simple, it's because it is. Smiling triggers your brain to release endorphins, which makes you feel good. And guess what? Smiling is contagious.
"People read your body language and facial expressions far more than hear your words or hear your tone of voice," Lederman says, "so that smile is immediately welcoming, disarming and relaxing to the other person."
You shouldn't just smile at everyone though, says Tim Sanders, author of The Likeability Factor. It has to come from a place of authenticity. However, you should always smile back at someone who is smiling at you.
"When you smile back at someone, what you are combining is friendliness and authenticity together," he says. "Often, when we don't expect a person to smile at us or we don't know them very well, we look away. When you smile back at a person, you're telling them, 'I like you too,' and that generates more likeability."
2. Watch your body language
We humans are just animals in fancy clothes. That's why, along with smiling, you can use visual cues to let other people know that you're not a threat. These include raising your eyebrows and tilting your head, Schafer says. The head tilt exposes your critical carotid artery to the other person, showing trust. Crazy, right?
"What typically happens is our brains are looking for threats in the environment," he says. "We communicate nonverbally. When the brain sees friendly signals, it can focus on other things. It's important to learn about these signals so we can use them appropriately."
Stressful situations, such as job interviews or client meetings, trigger your flight-or-fight response, making you defensive and closed off. Intentionally utilizing these physical signals, along with smiling, overrides this heightened state.
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3. Make the other person feel good
"If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves," Schafer says. "We have to take the focus off us and put it onto the other person."
There are many ways to accomplish this.
"Appreciation, recognition, a thank-you, direct eye contact, a compliment, asking their advice — all of these are ways in which we make someone feel good," Lederman says.
In conversations, employ empathic statements. For example, if someone looks happy, say something such as, "looks like you're having a good day," Schafer says. If that person responds, "I just closed a deal," you can reply with, "you must have worked hard." He or she will walk away feeling good, and in turn, those feelings will reflect on you. Avoid direct flattery, as that can make people defensive.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider